"Wow!".... Items and Other Things

Monday, November 16, 2009 at 1:47pm

It's been busy at work. Crazy busy. Like "week of Thanksgiving" busy.

For those who don't know, I work part-time as a cashier at our local grocery store. I'm still considered a newb, but am finally gaining the trust and respect of my fellow baggers, who apparently refuse to bag for new checkers. Thank goodness for that, because bagging a $300 order by yourself with four other $300 orders waiting in line REALLY sucks.

But that is not what my note is about today. No, today I would like to discuss the "Wow" items. Wow items are those impulse buys the grocery store puts at the register. They are offered at a very special price and we checkers are required to offer said items. As incentive on the positive, whoever sells the most items "wins" for the week. I've won twice now, and come in third once... I think. They are not really good at letting us know, but there is money involved, so the incentive is still there to try. As incentive on the negative, if we DON'T offer the item or items, the customer has the right to obtain the item for free.

I can count on three fingers how often I've failed to offer the Wow item. No one has ever exercised their right to obtain their freebie, but I always realize my mistake within moments of closing the transaction. At any rate, sometimes I ask at the very end, sometimes I mention it in the middle. I RARELY use the words, "Do you want a Wow item?" but rather inform the poor soul on the other side of my register that, "We have this item on sale for 99 cents and these doo-hickies are two for a dollar." Did I specifically OFFER the item? Technically, no... but I certainly did bring it to their attention, and the technique is what has allowed me to win so many times, even as a newb.

So yesterday, a woman came through my line. She was all dressed up in her Sunday finery. The first question out of her mouth after I finished up her order was, "What did I purchase that was so expensive??" I pulled her order back up and she realized the cake or some damn thing she picked up was $4-something rather than the $2.50 she claimed "the sign" said. My bagger dutifully trotted off to do a price check, and we stood and chatted for a few minutes while we waited for her to return. I commented on her dress and told her it was pretty and she responded, "Why THANK you! We have a special meetin' at church tonight," confirming my suspicions that she was a "God-fearing" woman.

Hint: "Special meetin'" is code for, "I'm an evangelical and I attend church whenever those doors open because I just cain't git enough of the Holy Spirit PRAISE GOD!!"

About this time, the bagger came back and told me she couldn't find a sign (this should have been a major red flag for me that this gal was what we call a "distractor," but I didn't think much about it). The woman kept insisting, "No, it's okay... no problem.. I'll just take the cake..." So I finished up her order in my usual manner.

As soon as I handed her the receipt, she got this smirk on her face and said, "You didn't offer me a basket item."

I stopped for half a second to filter through my memory (Notice I didn't place the actual offering in my dissertation above). I responded with, "I'm pretty sure I did." Even as the words came out of my mouth, I knew it was a battle I could not win. It was my word against hers. And who is always right? Yep. The customer.

I sighed and asked her which item did she want? She took claim on the toothpaste. I then asked her WHICH toothpaste she wanted, and she waved her hand and said, "I don't care.. any of them."

There are five fucking flavors to choose from. And if I've learned one thing as a checker, I've learned that people in general are VERY picky about their toothpaste.

So I grabbed one and ran it across the scanner. She immediately got even huffier with me and said, "You can't charge me for that!" I calmly told her that no, I wasn't going to charge her for it, but I still had to run it through the system.

"Yeah, but when they don't ask me up in Austin, they just hand it to me. That's how they ALWAYS do it."

Ahhh... and your M.O. is revealed! And please note that she continued to bring up this point several times throughout the remainder of her time with me.

I calmly informed her again that I needed to follow protocol and run it through the system.

Once I did, the manager override screen came up, so I called for a manager. She was becoming more agitated by the minute now. Of course, I was beyond pissed, because I DID ask her if she wanted the stupid item, but was powerless to do anything about it. It was the principle of the thing.

Did I mention it was busy in the store?? It took several minutes to get a manager over there to input the override (and they always want to know what they are overriding). I told him it was the Wow Initiative, and as I stepped behind him to allow him access to my keyboard, I whispered, "I asked her."

I think she may have heard me, but I'm not certain if it was that, the fact that the manager had to come over, or the act of my actually chucking the item down the belt for the bagger, that made the look I saw cross her face, actually cross her face.

What was that... was that... guilt?? Maybe. Or maybe it was embarrassment at having caused such a scene over a 99 cent item that she knew, and I knew, she had lied to obtain.

I pulled myself together in the less than 10 seconds that all this transpired (from manager to bagging her item) and handed her the small sack of groceries and said, with the most pleasant of voices AND a smiles, "You have a wonderful day, ma'am."

It wasn't until I found my immediate manager on my break a few minutes later, and with two other managers there, explained what happened (only to be told not to sweat it, but that's another seven paragraphs alone, so I'll skip it) that I realized that it wasn't the fact that I had to unjustly give away a basket item; it was the hypocrisy of this woman that made me so angry. Her "front" of being a good, church-goin' woman was overshadowed by the smugness and her "GOTCHA!" attitude of getting something for nothing.

I can't stand hypocrites. I can't stand liars. And I can't stand those who combine the two and then throw a smarmy smile in on top of it all. I hope Jesus really, really gets her for this one.